Some people are an open book, yet others are harder to read. If you are unsure about a person’s nature or intentions, it is typically a red flag. However, signs can be extremely subtle, so here are 17 ways to tell if someone is not a kind person.
Lack of empathy
Kind people have empathy in bucket loads. They can put themselves in someone else’s shoes and understand the feelings of others. While one trait doesn’t define a person, empathy is a key sign of a good character. It is a warning sign if someone consistently shows a lack of empathy.
They are manipulative
If you find your words twisted by someone, they are likely trying to manipulate you. Playing the victim and making you feel responsible for their behavior is gaslighting. According to WebMD, unkind people manipulate others due to their need for power, making them desire control at the expense of others.
Consistent anger or aggression
Anger is a healthy emotion from time to time, but consistent anger, particularly when accompanied by aggression, is a trait that should sound the sirens. It creates a hostile environment, and you may find yourself walking on eggshells so the most minor thing does not trigger someone.
Dishonesty
Honesty is a top-tier value and should be the foundation of any relationship. Any lack of honesty can rock that foundation and create doubts about someone’s character. We all tell a little white lie from time to time, but if someone consistently spouts fiction, it is something to be wary of.
Not owning up to mistakes
Making mistakes is a big part of life, and we all do it. The key is to take responsibility for our mistakes and learn from them; this is how we grow. It is hard to trust someone who doesn’t own up to their mistakes, and this individual likely has unkind intentions.
Someone who is unreliable
Some people are flakey, and this may just be a part of their character. However, you can often tell if someone is just off in their own world or intentionally unreliable. Unreliability can indicate that others are not a priority for them, and they lack respect for people’s time.
Only talking about themselves
Another classic sign of an unkind person is that they only talk about themselves. This is a sign of narcissism, as they only value their own importance over anyone else’s feelings. While PsychologyToday points out this is likely a symptom of their poor mental health, it’s still not something you want to be around.
Lack of eye contact
Eye contact can tell you a lot about someone’s intentions. Kind people generally maintain eye contact because they want to connect, whereas if someone avoids eye contact, it is usually a sign that they are lying or manipulating. This isn’t always the case, though; it can also be a sign of social anxiety.
Ignoring boundaries
We put boundaries in place to protect ourselves, and when someone crosses the line, it shows a lack of respect. Whether the boundary is physical or emotional is irrelevant–pushing boundaries to the side can show a lack of empathy and is generally a signal that someone is not kind.
How they treat people in the service industry
Another trait of someone who is not kind is the maltreatment of people in the service industry. They often think they are better than others, especially those providing a service. Pay attention to how they behave in this situation, as it will provide a fast-tracked insight into who they are as a person.
Lack of manners
Something we learn as children is that basic manners are the building blocks of a kind person. When someone can’t even make the effort to say please and thank you, it says an awful lot about who they are. After all, saying your p’s and q’s is free!
Envious of the success of others
There is enough success in the world to go around, so the success of others should always be celebrated. Unfortunately, unkind people do not realize this, and they often see someone else’s success as a threat, highlighting their own sense of self-importance.
Happy over others’ failures
Similarly to the previous point, mean-spirited people will often become happy over others’ failures. The New York Times explains that Germans define this as schadenfreude, or ‘gaining happiness from the misfortune of others.’ It should be pretty obvious why this is cause for alarm!
Someone who gossips
Gossipping is incredibly common, but if someone constantly bad-mouths others, they will happily talk about you behind your back, too. It can be a tough pill to swallow, but pay attention to how frequently people gossip because it could be a sign of bad intentions.
Constant criticism
Bad people don’t necessarily talk behind your back; sometimes, they are bold enough to say it to your face. If someone is constantly criticizing you, it should raise alarm bells. There is a fine line between constructive feedback and meanness, and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Lack of remorse
Kind people are always aware of the consequences of their actions. Even if unintentional, they will always apologize for their mistakes. In contrast, unkind people simply will not care. You are unlikely to hear the word ‘sorry,’ and they will probably just dismiss their mistakes.
Trust your gut
Finally, the most effective way to tell if someone is not a kind person is to trust your gut instinct. Of course, there is always the possibility you have read the vibes wrong, but your intuition is surprisingly powerful. If someone gives you unkind vibes and you can’t put a finger on why, they’re probably best to avoid.
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