It’s difficult to spot people with low self-esteem because they do things that many others do and often hide their insecurities very well. Nonetheless, you know a person is uncertain about themselves when they exhibit a few of these 19 behaviors.
Constantly Seeking External Validation
To be insecure is to have doubts about your qualities and self-worth. Hence, insecure people always rely on other people’s opinions to gauge how they perceive themselves. They never feel good about their personality, work, or achievements if they don’t get the compliments, praise, or affirmations they need.
Demanding Reassurance
For some people, it’s not enough to praise or compliment them. You have to reassure them with more validation so that they can quell their doubts. Of course, they only feel good temporarily and will come back for more, which can be exhausting for you to deal with.
Having Difficulty Accepting compliments
Insecure people react poorly to compliments; they reject compliments because they contradict their negative image of themselves. They feel you aren’t seeing them for who they are, making them undeserving of your praise, a form of self-sabotage that ScienceDirect links to low self-esteem.
Perceiving Others’ Actions Wrongly
Insecure people are so self-conscious that they think everyone notices their flaws. Hence, they always expect judgment from others. For instance, someone may think everyone is laughing at him or that a statement is about him even though there aren’t indications pointing to it.
Always Comparing Themselves With Others
Sometimes, insecure people also compare others’ possessions and achievements to measure their own self-worth. This never ends well; they focus more on what they lack compared to others, which lowers their self-esteem and results in feelings of jealousy and envy.
Belittling Others
While some insecure people may belittle you to take attention away from their flaws, others do this to temporarily have a sense of superiority. They use a facade of confidence to mask their low self-esteem while deflating your confidence, which they feel threatened by.
One-Upping During Conversations
Another way insecure people get to feel superior to others (temporarily) is by being the loudest or having the last say during conversations. They never want to leave any discussion or argument feeling like you fared better than them, as this batters their sense of self-worth.
Fishing for Compliments
Insecure people may talk about their achievements or strengths a lot, fishing for compliments to help them feel better about themselves. Sadly, in the long run, people realize that the compliments they receive are ingenuine, undermining the insecure person’s sense of self-worth even more.
Engaging in Self-Deprecating Behavior
Verywell Mind shares that self-deprecating behavior signals a poor cognitive state defined by low self-esteem or negative self-regard. Insecure individuals put themselves down by engaging in negative self-talk, and this reinforces their feelings of inadequacy even more. They may disguise it as a joke, but it’s actually quite serious.
Constantly Apologizing
Insecure people also apologize a lot to remain on the good side of everyone; otherwise, they won’t receive the validation they crave. Yes, it’s good to say sorry when you do something wrong, but you’ll notice that this person apologizes for things that aren’t their fault or that are out of their control.
Avoid Talking About Vulnerabilities
Insecure people also avoid talking about their flaws, ensuring that others don’t see them the way they see themselves. They’re never honest about their mistakes and avoid revealing anything they’re unsure of. These people know that judgment or criticism from others will harm their self-confidence.
Avoiding Social Gatherings
Because they don’t feel comfortable with their personality or body, insecure people also have anxiety at large social gatherings. They’ll decline invites, isolate themselves, or exhibit an avoidant attachment style because, as if they aren’t seen, their vulnerabilities can’t be seen either.
Hesitating on Making Decisions
Some insecure people also don’t trust their intuition enough to rely on it, especially when insecurity stems from their intelligence. CNBC says that insecure people have a “chronic inability to make decisions,” even when the choices have little consequence. This is because they fear that poor choices will attract criticism.
Seeking Attention
Insecurity manifests differently in some other people; rather than hide from others, they may always want to be the center of attention. Why? Well, because attention from others means they’re valuable enough to be noticed, but sadly, this attention has to be positive, or else their insecurities worsen.
Never Setting Boundaries
Since insecure people lack enough self-awareness to feel confident about themselves, they’re usually confused regarding their own boundaries. They don’t know where to set appropriate limits, and they’ll instead endure levels of disrespect that secure people would never allow to slide.
Being Defensive
Many insecure people get defensive, even with the most minor constructive criticism. They deny responsibility, make excuses, or deflect blame onto others for their own actions. While some do this to protect their fragile self-esteem, others are simply afraid of accepting and confronting their vulnerabilities.
Perfectionism
The University of Maryland explains perfectionism in insecure people clearly: “When individuals experience insecurity, they seek validation and self-worth in their achievements, leading to perfectionism.” In severe cases, these people obsessively beat themselves up over minor mistakes, holding standards that are unhealthily high.
Projecting Onto Others
Insecure people will always project their insecurities on you; they’ll criticize you for not being smart enough, that your car isn’t expensive enough, or that you aren’t attractive enough. In reality, this is how they feel about themselves, so don’t let them affect your confidence and self-perception.
Constantly Questioning Their Partner
Last of all, insecure people often question every harmless thing their romantic partner does. For instance, they’ll question why you came five minutes late from work or why you aren’t sleeping as close to them as you usually do. They project doubts about themselves and think you’re acting differently, all because of their own insecurities.
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