Dishonesty is one of the biggest relationship killers. Once trust is gone, the emotional bond is fractured, and partners can no longer rely on each other for support and intimacy. If you suspect your partner isn’t being honest with you, here are 19 clear signs to look out for.
They’re Constantly Vague
Healthy relationships depend on communication, so if your partner is constantly vague, they might be hiding something. People who are deliberately vague do it to evade questions and avoid sharing details, lest they get caught in a lie. A dishonest partner is often uninformative to keep you in the dark.
Avoiding Eye Contact
Eye contact is an essential form of nonverbal communication and an excellent way to tell whether someone is being honest. If your partner suddenly refuses to look at you, question why. Guilt often shows in people’s eyes, so abrupt gaze aversion is a sign that something is going on.
They Make Accusations
Nothing is more frustrating than being accused of something you didn’t do. Psych Central deduces that false accusations reflect more on the accuser than the accused, which is why cheaters often falsely accuse their partners of cheating. A combative, accusatory partner usually compensates for their own dishonest behavior.
Hiding Their Messages
Everybody deserves privacy, even in a relationship, but if your partner starts locking their phone or turning it away to hide their messages from you, this is a red flag. If there’s something they don’t want you to see, it’s likely because they know you’d disapprove, and their dishonesty will make you paranoid.
They Snap at You
It’s not unusual for people to snap at their partners when they’re having a bad day, but dishonest people do it all the time. If you ask an innocent question and they instantly become irritable or angry, they’re trying to deflect. They make you the villain to victimize themselves.
Constant Fidgeting
If you suspect your partner isn’t being honest with you, analyze their body language. We fidget when we’re nervous and do things like twist our fingers and tap our feet. Any physical signs suggesting your partner is on edge imply they’re feeling the pressure of maintaining a deception.
They’re Slow to Respond
Conversations should flow easily with your partner, especially when discussing easy topics like what you each did that day. Slow responses indicate dishonesty because the person is considering what to say. Truthful people quickly answer questions and give details; they don’t pick and choose what information they share.
They Get Caught Lying
Liars are unashamedly dishonest, but you have to catch them in a lie to prove it. Psychology Today warns that lies in a relationship usually snowballs into cover-up lies and omissions that are hard to remember. If you catch your partner lying like this, question what else they aren’t being honest about.
Unpredictable Behavior
Sudden changes in a person’s behavior are always fueled by something. If you notice them acting differently and they either brush you off or forcefully deny it, there’s something they’re not being honest about. Observe all the changes to their behavior and work out how to address them.
Relentless Excuses
We all make excuses, but usually not with our partners. If your partner feels they can’t be honest with you, they’ll often make excuses to avoid having a conversation about it and justify their lack of commitment. Excuses might seem innocent, but they’re a clear sign of deception in a relationship.
Avoiding Intimacy
Consent is integral in any romantic relationship, but dishonest people frequently refuse intimacy with their partners out of guilt. Intimacy requires vulnerability, but this is overwhelming for someone who is trying to keep things from their partner. Sudden changes to your intimacy are a sign something is amiss.
They Trickle the Truth
It can be difficult to identify dishonesty when your partner is trickle-truthing you, which is precisely why they do it. They know that telling the whole story would make them look bad, so they trickle the truth by revealing small truths over a longer period to disguise their lack of upfront honesty.
Acting Defensively
Defensive partners are usually hostile to compensate for their lack of honesty. According to Verywell Mind, defensive behavior aims to shift attention to the other person’s faults to make the defensive person feel less ashamed. A defensive partner is trying to make you the bad guy, stopping you from calling out their lies.
They Won’t Take Calls Around You
Sometimes, a private call could be about an exciting secret, like a surprise birthday party, but it’s not normal for your partner to excuse themselves every time they take a call. Odds are, they don’t want you to hear what they say, which should make you question what secrets they’re keeping.
Excessive Affection
While some dishonest partners distance themselves from intimacy, others overcompensate for the same reason: guilt. They’re keeping something from you that they know you’d be upset about, so they try to compensate by showering you with attention and affection, even though you’re unaware of what they’ve done.
They’re Overprotective
Having your partner protect you is sweet, but when they’re overprotective, it’s stifling. Dishonest partners often become overprotective either because they want to exert control to avoid you discovering their secrets or because their dishonesty has made them irrationally paranoid, and they’re judging you by their own behavior.
Refusing to Communicate
Talking about things in a relationship is vital, and a non-communicative partner won’t fulfill your emotional needs. Their refusal to communicate is also a sign that they’re hiding something from you and don’t want to say too much. Eventually, you’ll wear yourself out from verbally pursuing them all the time.
They Don’t Make an Effort
Sometimes, when someone has been dishonest with their partner for a long time, they begin distancing themselves from the relationship. First, they become emotionally absent, and then they stop physically making an effort by never arranging to do things together. Question what else they might be putting effort into.
They Make You Feel Crazy
Finally, always remember that most of the time, your gut reaction is right, so don’t let your partner make you feel crazy if you strongly suspect dishonesty. Lying partners will do anything to keep you in the dark, including gaslighting, which Forbes identifies as a form of abuse designed to make you feel irrational and manipulate you.
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