As our society modernizes and normalizes separation for couples who feel unhappy or stagnated, even older couples are choosing to end their marriages in greater numbers. While staying “till death do us part” and spending your golden years with a life-long partner may be more traditional, here are 20 reasons why older people might now be choosing divorce instead.
Changing Priorities
As we age, what’s important to us naturally evolves, and our desires and values don’t always stay in line with those of our partners. Psychology Today asserts that people in new relationships often adjust their goals and aspirations for a new partner, but this effect reduces over time. Couples can choose separation over living with someone who doesn’t share their priorities.
Old Issues
As children leave the nest and there are fewer external stresses, the absence of familial duty and distractions can lead to the resurfacing of old issues and past hurts. Years of unresolved conflict or resentment can come to the surface, and older couples may find themselves unable to overcome such problems, putting distance between them and sometimes leading to divorce.
Loss of Intimacy
Physical intimacy naturally wanes with age, and this isn’t always a problem. However, when one or both partners miss a sexual connection, or the emotional bond fades alongside it, this can cause discontent and a tendency to desire new relationships and opportunities for excitement. If a spouse feels lonely, unfulfilled, and sexually invisible, they may choose separation.
Empty Nest Syndrome
If a couple has built their lives around their children and the family unit, the departure of adult children can leave a significant void in their relationship. While some embrace the change and enjoy their newfound freedom, some realize that their relationship has less meaning without the shared priorities of raising a family, potentially leading them to question their marriage.
Health Concerns
A study published by The NIH found that medical issues significantly increased divorce rates, particularly when the wife is the patient. Because older couples face more health problems, this is often a factor in separation in later life. The physical and emotional toll of caregiving can strain relationships, leading to feelings of resentment, frustration, and disillusionment.
Financial Disagreements
As retirement approaches, financial situations can change, and this can lead to unhappiness. If life savings are insufficient to support the type of lifestyle the couple has been used to, or they need to downsize or cut back on luxuries, this can cause unhappiness and tension. This issue is especially prevalent when retirement savings and pension payments are severely unequal.
Shifting Gender Roles
Traditional gender roles within marriages have evolved significantly over the past 50 years, and women are now more likely to have their own careers, be financially independent, and have their own lives outside the home. This shift in relationship dynamics can lead to a re-evaluation of marriage, creating friction if one partner fails to adapt or accept the changing status quo.
Increased Life Expectancy
With advancements in healthcare and improved diets, life expectancy has risen dramatically. This means couples are spending more years together (on average) than they did before. This may seem fantastic, but years and years of cohabiting can intensify irritations or underlying problems and increase the likelihood that individual needs and desires will diverge over time.
Less Stigma Around Divorce
Divorce is by no means a new concept, but it was much less socially acceptable 50 years ago. Married people tended to ‘stick with it’ and remain in unhappy or unfulfilling relationships out of a sense of duty or obligation or a fear of social judgment. Today, older couples aren’t so restricted and can choose to separate if they wish, with far less social stigma attached.
Greater Support
Years ago, seeking divorce was a daunting prospect, and the financial and emotional toll may have been deemed too high, even for those who desperately wanted to escape their marriages. Nowadays, support groups, therapy sessions, legal advice, and online resources specifically cater to older adults considering divorce, making the process seem more achievable.
Infidelity in Later Life
Nolo states that older couples are subject to many of the same divorce risk factors as younger couples, including infidelity. Extramarital affairs can occur at any stage of life and can be incredibly shocking and hurtful after a seemingly long and happy life together. Many older people choose separation if their trust in their partner has been shattered by such a betrayal.
Desire for Personal Growth
The longer a relationship lasts, the likelihood of stagnation grows. While some older couples grow and evolve together and manage to keep their partnerships meaningful, others do not.
If one suddenly feels bored or trapped, divorce can be a tempting first step towards exciting opportunities, like travel, new relationships, self-discovery, and personal growth.
Legal and Financial Streamlining
Modern divorce proceedings aren’t the confusing headache they once were. Rising divorce rates have helped normalize the process and make it far more straightforward and less stressful to address legal and financial considerations, like dividing assets and pensions. If such difficulties were a major deterrent, these more streamlined procedures could encourage spouses to take the plunge.
Higher Expectations
As our society evolves and becomes generally more inclusive, less-judgmental and fairer, older people can have the realization that they ‘deserve better.’ Perhaps they compare their partnership to those of others, which may seem happier or more respectful, or find their own standards rising in light of modern progress. Either way, divorce can be the result.
Boredom
The longer a relationship lasts, the greater the chance of monotony and stagnation. Forbes warns that retirement can worsen this effect, making older people blame their spouses for the restlessness and boredom that can come when work ceases. As couples age, they often find themselves stuck in repetitive patterns and may seek novelty and excitement via separation.
Social Media Influence
The rise of social media has exposed everyone (including older adults) to alternative lifestyles and relationships, potentially making them re-evaluate their marriage or find faults with their partner. Although social media often presents an unrealistic, idealized view of ‘perfect couples, ‘ older people are less aware of this and more susceptible to making comparisons.
The “Grass is Greener”
Long-term relationships aren’t always strong enough to cope with the disillusionment that can result from years and years of daily life together. Many spouses fantasize about a new partner or a sudden, monumental life change that would mark the beginning of a new and exciting chapter in their lives. For some, the grass simply looks greener elsewhere, and they long to test it!
Falling Out of Love
For some long-term marriages, the reason for divorce is as simple as this—they simply don’t love each other anymore. While feelings of care and respect may remain, the romantic and emotional bond that once joined them can have disappeared over time. If this causes regret, unhappiness, or a desire for newfound love, one or both partners may seek a separation.
Unresolved Trauma
Long-term marriages often involve a shared history, and sometimes, this includes traumatic experiences, whether personal or shared as a couple. Things like losing a child, facing financial ruin, or dealing with domestic violence can all leave emotional scars that never truly fade, especially if the trauma isn’t dealt with via healthy coping mechanisms like therapy.
Differing Retirement Expectations
When people marry in their 20s or 30s, they rarely discuss their retirement plans and may not even know what sort of lifestyle they’ll want by the time they reach 60+ years old. If one partner wants to travel and the other wants to stay at home and tend to grandchildren, for example, this can cause discontent and friction, ultimately increasing the chance of divorce.
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