It’s completely normal to get angry sometimes. However, it’s important to work on yourself if you notice that your anger is getting out of control. It’s an emotion that can erupt in an instant and cause serious harm to those around you. For the same reason, it’s also important to know if you’re dealing with someone who has serious anger issues, especially if they’re in denial about it.
So, let’s take a look at a few phrases often said by people like this.
“I’m not angry, you are.”
This one is classic. Instead of owning up to their frustration, they flip the script and make it seem like you’re the one overreacting. It’s a common tactic used to avoid accountability while making the other person feel crazy. By turning the tables, they keep themselves in control of the conversation.
“Why do you always make me do this?”
Blame is a powerful tool for someone with anger issues. Rather than taking responsibility for their actions, they place the burden on you. In their mind, they’re not choosing to yell, slam doors, or lash out – you are somehow forcing them into it.
This phrase shifts guilt onto the other person and makes it seem like they had no choice but to explode. It’s manipulative, and it’s a sign of someone who doesn’t want to face their own emotions.
“This is just how I am.”
Excuses like this keep them from having to change. Instead of recognizing that their anger is a problem, they act as if it’s just part of their personality – something that can’t be helped. It’s a way to shut down any conversation about personal growth or self-control. If they convince themselves that their temper is just “who they are,” they don’t have to do the hard work of managing it.
“Everyone else is the problem, not me.”
Accountability isn’t their strong suit. People with explosive tempers often see themselves as the victim in every situation. They believe that the world is against them, and everyone around them is the cause of their frustration. This phrase is a red flag because it means they rarely take a step back to examine their own behavior.
“You know how I get.”
Instead of apologizing for their outbursts, they expect everyone else to tiptoe around their emotions. This phrase is a warning, but not in the way they might think; it’s not a request for understanding, it’s a demand for others to accommodate their anger. When people hear this enough, they start walking on eggshells, afraid to set them off.
“I wouldn’t have to yell if you just listened.”
Somehow, their anger is always your fault. If you had just done exactly what they wanted, in the way they expected, there wouldn’t be a problem – or at least that’s how they see it. This phrase is a justification for their outbursts, making it seem like yelling is the only logical reaction. In reality, it’s a sign of poor emotional regulation.
“I was just joking. You’re too sensitive.”
Sometimes, their anger comes out in the form of mean-spirited jokes or cutting sarcasm. But the moment someone calls them out, they flip the blame. Instead of acknowledging that their words were hurtful, they insist that you’re overreacting.
This tactic dismisses your feelings and makes it seem like you’re the problem for not being able to “take a joke.”
“You never let anything go.”
Ironically, people with anger issues tend to hold onto grudges more than anyone else. But when someone else remembers their bad behavior, suddenly, they want to move on quickly. This phrase is their way of shutting down conversations about past incidents, even if those incidents caused real harm.
“I don’t have time for this.”
If a conversation starts getting too real, they’ll find a way to end it abruptly. This phrase is often said with irritation, sometimes accompanied by a dramatic exit. Instead of discussing issues, they storm off, hang up the phone, or shut down completely.
“I’m fine.”
The words might say one thing, but the body language tells a different story. Short, clipped responses, crossed arms, and a clenched jaw make it obvious that they are anything but fine. However, they refuse to talk about what’s actually bothering them. This passive-aggressive approach forces others to guess what’s wrong, which only adds to the tension.
“I didn’t mean it.”
Angry words can be cruel, but instead of truly apologizing, they brush it off as if it didn’t happen. After a heated argument, they may act like their insults or harsh statements were never said – or worse, that they didn’t count because they weren’t intentional. But hurtful words leave lasting scars, even if someone later claims they weren’t serious.
“I’ll try to do better.”
At first glance, this sounds like a positive thing to say. The problem? It’s often an empty promise. When someone with anger issues repeatedly says they’ll improve but never makes real changes, the words lose meaning. Their temper flares up again, another fight happens, and the cycle continues.
Real change requires effort, and without action to back it up, this phrase is just another way to temporarily smooth things over without actually addressing the problem.
“I wouldn’t be like this if you didn’t push my buttons.”
Blame-shifting is a favorite move for people with anger issues. Instead of admitting they lost their temper, they make it seem like someone else forced them into it. This phrase suggests that their emotions are completely controlled by external factors, rather than being their own responsibility.
“That’s just how life is.”
Some people use anger as a way to deal with stress, and this phrase is how they excuse it. If they’re constantly snapping at people, yelling over small things, or carrying a short fuse, they might try to make it seem like it’s normal. In their mind, getting angry is just a natural reaction to a frustrating world.
“I don’t care.”
They do care, but they’re pretending not to. So they’ll use this phrase to shut down conversations before they can get too deep. When someone with anger issues feels cornered, overwhelmed, or criticized, they might act like nothing matters. It’s easier to brush things off than to actually address them.
“You always make a big deal out of everything.”
Minimizing someone else’s feelings is a way to stay in control. Instead of acknowledging that their actions are hurting others, they try to make it seem like the other person is overreacting. If someone keeps hearing that they’re “making a big deal” out of things, they may start doubting their own emotions. But the truth is, if something is upsetting enough to bring up, it’s worth discussing.
“I don’t need help.”
Many people with serious anger issues refuse to seek help, even when their temper is clearly causing problems. They might see it as a sign of weakness or think they can handle everything on their own. This phrase is usually said with pride, but underneath, it often comes from fear – fear of change, fear of vulnerability, or fear of admitting there’s a real issue.
“People just need to toughen up.”
Instead of adjusting their own behavior, they expect everyone else to accept it. People with short tempers often act as though the world should cater to them rather than the other way around. If someone is hurt by their words, they see it as the other person’s problem, not theirs.
“I don’t have an anger problem.”
Denial is powerful. Even if their temper has caused fights, lost them friendships, or put strain on their relationships, they might refuse to see it. This phrase is often said defensively, as if admitting to anger issues would mean admitting to failure. But refusing to acknowledge a problem doesn’t make it disappear. The truth is, everyone gets mad sometimes, but when anger starts affecting daily life, it’s definitely worth taking a closer look.