For some people, being assertive comes naturally and allows them to effectively communicate without fear of being exploited or ignored. While excessive confidence can border on arrogance, a healthy amount of self-assurance is great for mental health and maintaining boundaries. Let’s look at 19 phrases confident people use to stand their ground in various situations.
“I appreciate your perspective, however…”
Being assertive doesn’t mean being rude—it just means being sure of yourself and resistant to verbal bullying. This phrase politely acknowledges the other person’s viewpoint while maintaining the validity of your own differing opinion. It shows you’ve listened, considered their point, and accepted their perspective, but you also have a valuable contribution to make.
“I understand your concerns, but I’m comfortable with…”
Psych Central says it’s crucial to validate the concerns of others without admitting defeat and that most people “just want to be heard.” This doesn’t mean backing down; it helps de-escalate conflict without the need to concede, especially if the other person is aggressive or intimidating. State your discomfort and clarify your boundaries without being confrontational.
“Can we discuss this further at a more convenient time?”
Don’t let someone take you by surprise, as this can put you at a disadvantage. This phrase allows you to politely postpone a conversation if you feel unprepared, overwhelmed, or need time to gather your thoughts. However, it also communicates your willingness to discuss the issue at a time that suits you both—not unexpectedly or inconveniently.
“I’m not comfortable with that, and here’s why…”
Sometimes you need to be extremely direct and clarify exactly why you aren’t happy with a certain suggestion or action. Stating your discomfort is key because it demands that other people consider it too. Providing a brief, logical explanation as to why you don’t want to do something shows you have thought it through carefully but still disagree.
“That doesn’t work for me. Can we brainstorm alternatives?”
This assertive statement shuts down ideas that go against your ethics, are logistically impossible, or don’t adhere to time or budget restraints. It shows you understand the proposed solution but cannot support it, yet are willing to consider alternatives and work together to find a more mutually agreeable, more workable compromise.
“I need some time to think about this.”
If someone is demanding or impatient (without an excellent reason), consider why—are they merely trying to fulfill their own requirements as soon as possible or putting you at a disadvantage? Don’t allow it! Requesting more time to consider your position and formulate a response is perfectly reasonable, so assert your right to this.
“I respect your opinion, but I have a different approach in mind.”
No one likes to feel unheard or dismissed, so don’t ignore the perspectives of others. It’s entirely possible to respectfully disagree or see a situation from an alternative viewpoint. The Mayo Clinic says assertiveness is based on mutual respect and that you need to give it in order to get it! Learn to acknowledge the words of others without losing your own voice.
“I’d prefer to handle this situation myself; thank you for the offer.”
Sometimes, we need to be assertive because other people dominate a situation inappropriately or interfere in matters that don’t concern them. In this case, you can establish your desire to cope alone or take control without offending the individual by thanking them for their input while also firmly declining to let them take over or get involved.
“It sounds like we have different priorities. Let’s find a solution.”
It’s perfectly okay not to prioritize the same aspects of life as other people, so don’t be afraid to admit this. Having different opinions about what’s most important doesn’t mean one of you is wrong; it simply means you see the problem differently and probably have differing personality types. Acknowledge this and look for solutions that respect both viewpoints.
“I’d be happy to discuss this further, but not in this tone of voice.”
Assertive people are excellent at setting and maintaining personal boundaries, and their communication style is crucial to doing so. If you’re dealing with someone rude, aggressive, or disrespectful, don’t stand for it! You don’t need to stoop to their level or let their feelings impact you, so agree to discuss the issue only once they’ve calmed down and shown some respect.
“I don’t understand what you’re asking of me. Can you rephrase that?”
No one likes getting it wrong, but mistakes are even more frustrating if you misunderstood the original request. If you aren’t one hundred percent clear about what someone is asking of you, ask for clarification. This ensures you don’t agree to things you aren’t capable of doing or aren’t comfortable with and avoids putting you in an awkward position later on.
“I trust my judgment. I’m moving forward with my plan.”
If you’re in a position of authority or ultimately have the final say, don’t be shy about selecting your own plan if you feel it’s the correct course of action. Verywell Mind says using “I” in a sentence is essential when being assertive, and it’s okay to put yourself first when needed. Politely expressing this ensures others respect you and your autonomy.
“I’m not participating in a conversation that uses personal attacks.”
Dealing with conflict can be challenging, particularly when the other person resorts to insults or negative remarks about your abilities or decisions. Shut down any such comments by refusing to have a conversation until they use respectful language and focus on the problem at hand, not on any personal opinions they have about you. Demand respect without being rude!
“I’m disappointed with this outcome, but I’m willing to try and find a solution.”
Sometimes, we experience setbacks in life, and it’s perfectly acceptable to express disappointment when things don’t go according to plan or others don’t act as you’d hoped. Say how you feel without assigning blame, and show you’re willing to keep trying to find a better, more successful approach to a problem so you can both move forward constructively.
“That deadline is not achievable. Can we discuss a more realistic timeline?”
Being assertive means tackling problems before they arise and never agreeing to unrealistic requests or expectations. While this phrase sounds formal, it also works in casual situations, and you can say something like, “I cannot make that time. Can you be more flexible?” Don’t be afraid to state your limitations to avoid future problems and disappointments.
“I apologize, but I won’t be able to make it.”
Sometimes, we simply cannot be in a particular place at a specific time for good reason—be that personal, logistical, or due to other commitments. If you cannot attend a meeting, special event, or outing, express your regret and offer a sincere apology. Never allow others to disregard your boundaries or inconvenience you through manipulation (like guilt-tripping).
“I value your feedback, and I’ll consider it as I move forward.”
Accepting constructive criticism can be difficult, particularly when you feel confident and excited about a plan! But don’t neglect the feelings or viewpoints of others; acknowledge their doubts and alternative foresight without letting them take over. This shows you are willing to learn, work as a team, and accept criticism without losing sight of your own ideas.
“When you speak to me like that, it makes it difficult to have a productive conversation.”
There’s no excuse for insulting or disrespectful communication, so be assertive whenever someone is rude or unpleasant or speaks to you in an aggressive or derogatory tone of voice. Let them know they’ve crossed a boundary and that you won’t be able to find a solution unless they address you in a more respectful manner.
“I know this is important to you, but I have a prior commitment.”
According to BetterHelp, assertiveness doesn’t mean aggression or egotism; it means demanding your rights to alternative feelings or personal limitations. If you have other commitments you can’t change, it’s perfectly okay to decline an invitation, even to important events like weddings and birthdays. Don’t let others insist their needs are more important than your life or past promises.
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