The South is known for its genteel manners and etiquette rules, which have been passed down for generations. While some may seem outdated, many still provide useful guidance on how to treat others with respect and kindness. From addressing elders properly to mastering the art of hospitality, these 18 rules are essential for navigating the sometimes complicated world of southern etiquette.
“Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Sir” Are Not Optional
In the South, referring to elders as “ma’am” and “sir” is drilled into kids from a young age. It’s a mark of respect that should continue into adulthood. Forget to say it, and you’ll likely get a stern look or reminder from any southern parent within earshot.
Send Handwritten Thank-You Notes
In the age of email and texting, the handwritten thank-you note is a treasured southern tradition. Texting may be OK for something small, “but for dinner parties, big favors, an actual gift, or being a houseguest, handwritten thank-you notes are your best bet for an expression of warm, heartfelt thanks,” according to Emily Post. It’s the polite thing to do.
Don’t Outshine the Bride
At southern weddings, all eyes should be on the blushing bride. Guests should avoid wearing anything too flashy, expensive, or, worst of all, white that could draw attention away from the beautiful bride on her big day. Be OK playing a supporting character at someone else’s wedding.
Bring a Hostess Gift
“Don’t show up empty-handed” is a common southern refrain. Bring a small hostess gift when attending a party to show your appreciation. Real Simple recommends “a local treat from your hometown bakery, a beautiful coffee table book, flowers, a nice candle, or bottle of wine.”
The Man Walks Closest to the Street
This old-fashioned rule dictates that when a man is walking with a woman, he should walk on the side closest to the street. It stems from the idea of protecting the lady from getting splashed by passing cars and carriages. It’s also a great way to find the true gentlemen when you are dating.
Elbows Off the Table
Keeping elbows off the table while eating is drilled into southern kids at an early age. It’s considered poor manners that is simply not done in polite company. You’ll get a disapproving look or a little tap to move them if you forget this rule.
Learn to Make a Proper Pitcher of Sweet Tea
In the South, sweet tea is a cultural institution, and the weather is often hot, so a refreshing beverage is always necessary to have on hand for guests. Every proper southerner should know the perfect ratio of tea to sugar to water to craft this refreshing beverage to perfection. It’s an essential hostess skill.
RSVP Promptly
“Not responding or responding late can cause inconvenience for the host and is often considered rude,” says Greenlight Cards. RSVPing for events in a timely manner is considered a common courtesy, not an inconvenient formality. Respond promptly to invitations to allow hosts to plan accordingly.
Monogram Everything
It may not truly be an etiquette rule, but it certainly helps you fit into polite society. Southerners love to monogram all sorts of items, like towels, shirts, purses, and more, with their initials. It’s a way to add a personal touch and show pride in their names and heritage.
Don’t Put Your Pocketbook on the Table
Placing a purse or handbag on the table at mealtime is considered unsanitary and just plain rude in the South. “The proper place for your tiny bag is on your lap, underneath the folded napkin,” writes Ladies & Lakes. Also, never leave it on the floor, as your money “might run away.”
Bring Food for the Grieving
When there is a death in the family, it’s a southern tradition to bring the grieving family casseroles, cakes, pies, and other comforting dishes to help sustain them in their time of loss. During times of loss, sometimes remembering to eat is hard enough; at least this gesture takes cooking out of the equation.
Use Your Fancy Guest Towels
Those decorative hand towels in your guest bathroom are meant to be used, not just admired. In the South, it’s considered bad manners to make guests dry their hands on a towel you’ve been using.
Don’t Wear a Hat Indoors
Doff your cap when entering someone’s home, a restaurant, or any indoor establishment as a sign of respect. Wearing a hat inside is a major faux pas in the South, especially for men. Take things back to the days when people never left the house without a hat but never wore one inside, either.
Smile and Wave at Strangers
Southerners are famous for their warm hospitality, which extends to smiling, waving, and offering a friendly greeting to strangers they pass on the street or in stores. It’s just common courtesy, even if it feels foreign and awkward to those up north who are used to ignoring everyone.
Bring a Gift for the Hostess’s Child
When attending a party at someone’s home, bring a small gift for the host’s child, even if they won’t be present. It’s a thoughtful gesture that’s always appreciated. If you don’t have a gift to give to the child, give the gift of your time and spend some time playing with them; the child and hostess will both appreciate it.
Don’t Cuss in Front of Grandma
Keeping your language clean in front of elders, especially grandmothers, is an unwritten rule in the South. Grandmas will not hesitate to wash a grandchild’s mouth out with soap for uttering profanities. In their day, that language was not used in mixed company.
Arrive Fashionably Early
In the South, being fashionably late is considered rude. Instead, aim to arrive 10–15 minutes early for events to allow time for greeting the hosts and socializing before the official start time. It’s also a lot less stressful than walking in when everyone is already eating or in the middle of an activity because you were late.
Learn to Make a Proper Julep
Just as southerners should know how to make sweet tea, they should also be able to whip up a proper mint julep. This bourbon-based cocktail is a staple at southern celebrations like the Kentucky Derby.
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