When a relationship or friendship mysteriously fizzles out, we can be left scratching our heads, wondering where it all went wrong. But you might be unknowingly pushing people away and allowing subtle behaviors to sabotage your connections. Here are 17 things to avoid if you want to keep your friends or your partner.
Overly Critical
While you might think you’re just offering helpful critiques, your constant criticism can make others feel demoralized and defensive. Imagine being constantly bombarded with constructive feedback; it’s exhausting and disheartening. The HuffPost identified it “as one of the top predictors of divorce.”
Interrupting
If you constantly volley your thoughts and opinions before others can even finish their sentences, you might be an accidental conversation hog. While you might think you’re just enthusiastic or eager to share your insights, your interruptions can leave others feeling unheard and unimportant.
Dismissing Others’ Feelings
Do you find yourself offering quick fixes or platitudes when someone shares their emotions? Statements like “Just cheer up!” or “It’s not that bad” might seem helpful, but they can actually make others feel invalidated. Dismissing someone’s feelings can make them feel like their emotions aren’t important or that you don’t care about them.
Being Flaky
If you’re constantly canceling at the last minute or simply forgetting commitments altogether, you are leaving others stranded and feeling frustrated. While you might see yourself as spontaneous and flexible, your flakiness can make others feel unimportant and disrespected. Nobody likes to be disappointed, and being unreliable can erode trust and damage relationships, leaving others hesitant to make plans with you again in the future.
One-Sided Conversations
If your interactions feel more like a personal TED Talk than a genuine exchange, you might be unintentionally turning your conversations into a one-sided affair. Instead, ask open-ended questions, actively listen to their responses, and show genuine interest in what they have to say. You will find that the conversation opens up much more once two people are participating.
Not Setting Boundaries
Establishing boundaries for yourself is a healthy way to communicate your needs and limits without allowing anyone to take advantage of you or ask too much of you. This way, you are less likely to spontaneously combust at any given moment and later react to something that has offended you before. When everyone knows the limits, it makes life easier for all.
Bottling Emotions
Becoming an emotional pressure cooker won’t benefit anyone, and if you constantly bottle up your emotions, you might be unknowingly turning yourself into a ticking time bomb. While bottling emotions might seem like a way to maintain control or avoid conflict, it can backfire spectacularly. Healthline says that by doing this, “the relationship you wanted to protect still ends up being damaged.”
Smartphone Addict
Constantly being glued to your phone can create a disconnect in your real-life relationships. If your phone addiction is causing friction in your relationships, it’s time to reassess your priorities. The NY Times says paying more attention to your phone “can lead to feelings of distrust and ostracism.” Face-to-face conversations require genuine presence and attention, not just emojis.
No Self-Care
If your idea of self-care is a five-minute shower and a microwave meal, you might be unknowingly pushing people away. When you’re constantly running on empty, you’re more likely to be irritable, impatient, and emotionally distant. You might snap at your loved ones, cancel plans at the last minute, or simply not have the energy to be present.
Unresponsive
Leaving your friends wondering if you’ve fallen off the face of the earth or being notorious for ghosting conversations is no way to show people that you respect them. By leaving messages unanswered for days on end, you might be unintentionally pushing people away with your radio silence. While you might see yourself as simply busy or forgetful, your lack of responsiveness can make others feel unimportant and ignored.
Overly Competitive
Do you turn friendly games into heated battles and casual conversations into debates you must win? If you constantly strive to be the best at everything and view others as rivals rather than companions, you might become tiresome to those around you. While a healthy dose of competition can be motivating, your relentless pursuit of victory can alienate others.
No Appreciations
If you treat your friends like an old pair of slippers, then you might only realize when they’re missing. Leaving your gratitude tank running on empty is a sure way to reduce the number of Christmas cards you’ll receive. When you fail to show appreciation, people start to feel like their efforts go unnoticed or that you don’t value their contributions.
People Pleasing
People-pleasing behavior can create unhealthy dynamics in any relationship. When you consistently put others’ needs first, you might inadvertently teach them that your own needs don’t matter. This can lead to them taking advantage of your generosity, overlooking your feelings, and ultimately lacking respect for you.
Always Right
Your relentless pursuit of factual accuracy might seem harmless, but it can make others feel belittled, disrespected, and hesitant to share their thoughts or opinions. After all, who wants to engage in a conversation with someone who’s more interested in proving them wrong? Maybe take a break from correcting others’ pronunciation, fact-checking their casual remarks, and generally acting as the self-appointed guardian of all knowledge.
Being Fake
Are you a social chameleon, constantly changing colors to fit in with every crowd? If you’re always trying to be someone you’re not, you might be unintentionally pushing people away with your lack of authenticity. While it’s natural to adapt to different social situations, constantly pretending to be someone else can be exhausting and ultimately a bit lame. Embrace your quirks and flaws, and show the real you!
Overly Opinionated
Having strong opinions and sharing your passions can be engaging, but constantly bombarding others with your unfiltered thoughts can be overwhelming and off-putting. Save your opinions for when people ask for them. When you’re overly opinionated, you risk drowning out other voices and perspectives, making it difficult for others to connect with you on a deeper level.
Been There, Done That
Overriding someone’s story with your own bigger and better version is a surefire way to kill their vibe. When you constantly dismiss others’ experiences, you not only dampen their excitement, but you also create a barrier to genuinely connect. A HuffPost study on people who bragged revealed that braggers “overestimated the extent to which their audiences would feel ‘proud’ and ‘happy’ and underestimated their annoyance.”
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