As much as we’d hope that all parents would raise their kids to be as happy and healthy as possible, some children just aren’t so lucky. Whether they intend to or not, some parents subject their kids to emotional abuse that can continue affecting them into their adulthood. This list reveals 18 signs that your parents may have been emotionally abusive.
Constant Criticism or Blaming
As noted by the NSPCC, emotionally abusive parents often criticize and blame their children for things that they haven’t done wrong or are blown out of proportion. In adulthood, this can make you feel like you always need to apologize and feel guilty, even if you haven’t actually done anything.
Emotional Invalidation
If your parents constantly invalidated, dismissed, or made fun of your feelings, this is a strong sign that they were emotionally abusive. Kids deserve to have their emotions acknowledged, respected, and soothed by the adults around them, and hearing that they’re overreacting or being too sensitive can be very damaging.
Gaslighting
According to Verywell Mind, gaslighting is a form of abuse and manipulation that involves bullying or misleading the victim in order to make them question their own reality. So if your parents responded with denial, dismissal, or disbelief when you told them about your feelings or experiences, it’s likely that they were emotionally abusing you.
Threats and Intimidation
Emotionally abusive parents commonly use threats and intimidation tactics to get their children to respect them and behave the way they want. This can include threatening to physically harm or abandon their child. Of course, in reality, these threats only cause children to fear their parents rather than respect them.
Conditional Love
Every child is deserving of their parent’s unconditional love and support. But sadly, abusive parents will often only show any love and affection when their children are conforming to their expectations. When they “act out” or do something the parent doesn’t like, they’re sometimes punished with a complete withdrawal of affection.
Frequent Yelling or Screaming
Yelling and screaming at children rarely conveys anything but intimidation and aggression. Yet as noted by Choosing Therapy, emotionally abusive parents will often use screaming and verbal aggression as a form of punishment. This can cause intense feelings of fear, anxiety, and discomfort, which can manifest as anxiety disorders in adulthood.
Lack of Privacy
Contrary to what some people believe, a child’s privacy and personal space is extremely important and should always be respected. Unfortunately, emotionally abusive parents don’t understand or care about this, meaning they will often invade their children’s privacy or go through their personal things.
Over-Control
While it’s normal for parents to have some control over their children’s lives, emotionally abusive parents will take this to the extreme. This can manifest as them taking far too much control over their child’s everyday choices, including friends, hobbies, and academic pursuits. In adulthood, this can make it significantly harder for these individuals to make decisions on their own or trust their judgment.
Inconsistent Rules and Punishments
As noted by MindBodyGreen, emotionally abusive parents are often inconsistent in their actions, moods, and punishments. This can leave their children feeling confused, insecure, and like they’re walking on eggshells, unsure of when the next emotional outburst or punishment could be.
Excessive Expectations or Pressure
Kids deserve to be kids without the weight of excessive adult expectations. But sadly, emotionally abusive parents will often set unrealistically high standards and expect their children to meet them. When they inevitably don’t, they may be punished or made to feel like they’re not good enough in various ways.
Isolation from Others
In order to gain even more control over their children’s lives, emotionally abusive parents will sometimes resort to isolating them from their friends or certain family members. This can also be a way of preventing them from seeking help or support from other people.
Using Guilt as a Manipulation Tool
Guilt is a normal human emotion, but emotionally abusive parents will use this natural response to their advantage. For example, they may blame their children for things they didn’t do or that are out of their control. This will often make these kids feel indebted to their parents and compelled to do whatever they can to please them, even if it goes against their own needs.
Overemphasis on Perfection
Most people aren’t born perfectionists. Unrealistically high expectations of perfection from parents or caregivers can easily make their children believe that anything less than perfect isn’t good enough. In adulthood, this can make these individuals anxious perfectionists who find it very difficult to be satisfied with their work and achievements.
Public Humiliation
Public humiliation can be another way that parents assert their control and power over their children. They might ridicule, criticize, or belittle their kids in front of other people, which often leads to intense feelings of shame, humiliation, and embarrassment that can spill over into adulthood.
Emotional Blackmail
Another form of abuse is emotional blackmail. Emotionally abusive parents will sometimes use emotional threats, such as threatening to self-harm or expose something personal about their child, to get them to behave the way they want. This can be extremely damaging and cause the child to end up in toxic relationship patterns when they grow up.
Sabotaging Child’s Relationships
A child’s friendships and relationships with adults are pivotal in teaching them how to socialize and relate to the world. Unfortunately, emotionally abusive parents will sometimes intentionally sabotage these relationships by forbidding their children from seeing them, speaking badly about them, or making up lies about them.
Withholding Affection
As mentioned previously, parents who are emotionally abusive will sometimes stop being loving and affectionate with their children to punish them for things they see as “bad.” This can manifest as them ignoring their child’s needs or acting cold towards them. In adulthood, this can lead to a fear of abandonment and trust issues.
Comparison to Others
Many of us have heard about the dangers of comparative thinking, but did you know that this issue is often rooted in childhood experiences? Emotionally abusive parents will often compare one child to another in order to create feelings of resentment, rivalry, and low self-esteem in their kids, giving the parent a greater sense of control and power.
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