Cheating is the ultimate betrayal, but unfortunately a reality that many people face, typically accompanied by a barrage of excuses that never justify or make up for it. In this article, we’re sharing 18 of the most common (but inappropriate) excuses used to rationalize infidelity and the flawed reasoning behind them.
“It Didn’t Mean Anything”
This one’s a classic. Many cheaters claim their actions didn’t mean anything, as if this will lessen the hurt their partner feels. In reality, this excuse just overlooks the impact of the betrayal and tries to brush off whatever happened as a simple physical act. True resolution, if even possible, involves addressing the underlying disrespect.
“You Were Too Busy”
Another all too common excuse people use is that their partner’s absence or their being busy excuses any infidelity. Not only does this shift blame to the partner, but it also means the cheater is avoiding taking accountability for their actions. In a healthy relationship, there should be communication about each person’s needs, not secretive betrayals.
“I Was Unhappy”
According to YouGov Today, 54% of people say they’ve been cheated on before in a relationship. You can bet many of them heard the “I was unhappy” excuse when this happened as if the cheater’s personal dissatisfaction within the relationship justifies their actions. In actuality, this excuse just sidesteps the importance of mutual effort and problem-solving.
“I Needed Space”
If someone really needed space, they wouldn’t have walked right into someone else’s arms—so don’t ever accept this as an excuse for infidelity. Space should be about personal growth, not secretive activities or emotional detachment. Anyone who uses this excuse is just attempting to mask that they want to pursue others.
“We Were on a Break”
If you’ve ever watched Friends, you’d know this excuse doesn’t work very well. Using a temporary separation to downplay or excuse actions that hurt the relationship is wrong, especially if the break in the relationship didn’t have clear boundaries or respect for each other’s expectations.
“It’s Not You, It’s Me”
This is simply a deflective tactic to place the burden of infidelity on the cheater’s personal flaws, avoiding any actual discussion on relational dynamics. This excuse can also prevent meaningful conversations about relationship issues that might have contributed to unhappiness and cheating.
“It Was Just a One-Time Thing”
Some cheaters might try to minimize their betrayal by explaining that it was a one-time, isolated incident. However, as told by BetterHelp, “While this type of infidelity may not have been premeditated or purposeful, it can still be hurtful.” Whether it happened once or 10 times, the trust has still been breached and it hurts all the same.
“I Don’t Know Why I Did It”
This is a lazy excuse that indicates a lack of introspection or accountability. The cheater may act helpless to gain sympathy as if they can’t explain what came over them, but in reality, all this excuse does is leave partners without closure or understanding, which really complicates healing.
“I Didn’t Think It Would Hurt You”
Anyone who uses the “I didn’t think it’d upset you” excuse is clearly trying to sidestep any responsibility by acting ignorant of the consequences of their actions. In a healthy relationship, understanding and empathy for a partner’s feelings are foundational to trust. It’s not real love if someone doesn’t consider their partner’s feelings before acting.
“Everyone Does It”
If you ever hear this excuse, it’s time to fire back with the classic, “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?” People who attempt to normalize cheating as a common behavior are only doing so to lessen their perceived personal fault or guilt. Unfortunately for them, faithfulness and integrity are personal choices.
“We’re Always Fighting”
Don’t let anyone justify their cheating by blaming relationship conflicts—and don’t ever feel like you caused their infidelity. In the words of YourTango, “You are responsible for your role in the relationship, but not for your partner’s cheating. That is all on them.”
“You’re Not the Person I Met”
Some people choose to blame their actions on the fact that their partner’s personality or appearance has changed, triggering their cheating. This is just another excuse to escape blame or accountability. Relationships should involve growing and adapting together, not seeking escape when changes occur.
“You Cheated First”
Using a partner’s past infidelity as a reason to also cheat only fuels a toxic cycle of blame and revenge without any opportunity for healing or progress. Instead, a direct confrontation of the issues (with a focus on forgiveness or therapy) could pave the way for recovery.
“Our Relationship Is Over Anyway”
It’s not uncommon for cheaters to claim that the relationship was already doomed as an avoidance strategy, so they don’t look as bad for cheating. They know that the focus will shift from their infidelity to a confrontation about relationship issues, taking the heat off of what they did.
“I’m Just ‘Designed’ To Cheat”
According to Business Insider, “There is a small amount of research that suggests cheating could be genetic.” However, this is largely unfounded and often just used as an excuse by a cheater in an attempt to escape blame. Personal choices and values dictate actions more than anything, not just genetic predispositions.
“I Was Drunk”
Blaming alcohol for cheating unfortunately happens all too often, with people suggesting they had no control over their actions because they were drunk. It’s important to remember, however, that alcohol doesn’t excuse harmful behaviors—and personal accountability remains key. It’s just a terrible excuse for betrayal.
“I Was Bored”
This excuse can be both hurtful and dismissive of the other person’s feelings. Cheaters who cite a lack of excitement in the relationship as a reason to seek fun elsewhere are showing their true colors. Relationships require mutual effort to maintain engagement and passion, and if one person is unhappy, they should leave, not cheat.
“I Never Really Committed To Being Faithful”
When someone admits they never intended to remain faithful in a relationship, it can be a real slap in the face. They’re essentially revealing their fundamental dishonesty or integrity. Don’t accept this as an excuse or blame yourself. This simply reflects that the cheater has deeper issues with commitment and transparency.
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