Every child is deserving of unconditional love and care from their parents. But unfortunately, whether they mean to or not, many caregivers end up making their kids feel unloved and emotionally neglected. To help you determine whether your parents didn’t show as much love as they should’ve, this list reveals 18 traits of people who weren’t loved as children.
Difficulty Trusting Others
As noted by Psych Central, unloving, insecure attachments in early childhood will often lead to trust issues later down the line. This is because people raised in this way have an understandable fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt by others. For this reason, they will also choose to keep people at a safe distance until they’re sure they can be trusted.
Overcompensating in Relationships
Sadly, children who don’t receive enough love naturally in their early years often learn that they must be on their best behavior and please their parents to gain any form of praise or affection. This will often carry over into their adult relationships too, causing them to put others’ needs before their own in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
Imposter Syndrome
Verywell Mind describes impostor syndrome as “the psychological experience of feeling like a fake or a phony despite any genuine success that you have achieved.” People who were unloved as kids often experience this sense of fraudulency because they have a subconscious belief that they’re not good enough or worthy of good things.
Chronic Guilt
If you regularly feel a sense of guilt, even for things that you logically know aren’t really your fault, this could be a sign that you didn’t receive enough love as a child. You may also have a tendency to apologize more than you need to.
Escapism
While it’s normal for kids to engage in imaginative play and fantasy, children and adults who spend a lot of time immersed in daydreaming, books, or movies may be using these tools as a way to escape from their difficult reality. Therefore, this can be a sign that you felt neglected as a child.
Sarcasm as a Defense Mechanism
Do you tend to use humor and sarcasm when serious conversations come up? If so, you might be surprised to hear that this can be an indicator of childhood neglect. This is because sarcasm can be used as a defense mechanism to hide your real feelings or vulnerabilities that lie behind the jokes.
Persistent Insecurity
As you’d probably expect, people who weren’t loved as children often don’t have the best self-esteem or sense of self-worth. This commonly manifests as feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt in adulthood, making it difficult for them to accept compliments or feel like they’re worthy of people’s time or love.
Fear of Failure
Children who didn’t receive as much love as they deserved often develop an intense fear of failure as they grow up. One common reason for this is that they didn’t get enough encouragement from their parents as kids. This can make it difficult for them to try new things or overcome challenges.
Extreme Sensitivity
While sensitivity isn’t always a sign of a lack of childhood love, it certainly can be. If you notice that you’re hypersensitive to criticism or perceived rejections, this could be because you’re used to your caregivers withdrawing all love and affection from you when you do something they see as “wrong.”
Difficulty with Boundaries
According to Psychology Today, it’s common for unloved children to struggle more with setting and maintaining boundaries than others. For example, you might find it difficult to assert your own needs and preferences, as well as allowing others to overstep your boundaries in order to avoid conflict.
Addiction Prone
Those who don’t get enough love as kids are typically more susceptible to addictive behaviors. This is because they turn to substances or addictive tools as a way to distract themselves and numb out the pain they feel inside. Gambling, internet use, shopping, and other behaviors can also become addictive in this way.
Chronic Loneliness
If you constantly battle with feelings of loneliness, even if you’re surrounded by friends or family, this could be an indication that you weren’t loved as a kid. You may also feel that others don’t truly understand you, causing you to feel more isolated and disconnected.
Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Because people who didn’t get enough love as children often subconsciously believe that they’re unworthy of happiness or success, they sometimes sabotage their relationships or goals. You may also have the strange sense that you actually fear happiness and love, as it feels unfamiliar and undeserved.
Hypervigilance
As noted by the CPTSD Foundation, when children don’t grow up in a stable environment that makes them feel loved and safe, they may become hypervigilant to any signs of danger or negativity in order to protect themselves. So if you feel like you’re constantly on guard or sensitive to perceived threats as an adult, this could be why.
People-Pleasing
Children who were emotionally neglected learn that they must do everything they can to please their parents in order to gain any attention or affection. This tendency to put others’ needs before their own will often carry on into adulthood. While people-pleasing tendencies can be pleasant for those around you, it usually comes at the cost of your own wellbeing.
Emotional Detachment
If you find it difficult to form deep emotional connections with those around you, this could be a sign that you didn’t get the love you deserved as a child. This could be because you keep yourself detached from others in order to protect yourself against the potential of getting hurt or abandoned.
Aggression or Passive-Aggressive Behavior
It’s incredibly important for parents to be properly attuned to their kids and help them through their emotions. When this doesn’t happen, people raised in this way can find it difficult to emotionally regulate themselves as adults. This can cause them to become angrier and more aggressive when they’re stressed or confronted.
Seeking Validation from External Sources
Do you find yourself relying heavily on external forms of validation to maintain your sense of self-worth? If so, this could mean that you weren’t loved enough as a kid. This is often because people raised in this way weren’t able to develop the belief that they’re fundamentally lovable and good enough as they are.
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