Growing up without affection is not easy. It can make people guarded, causing them to build walls (emotional, not brick) to keep people out. A lack of affection can have many long-term effects, like the 17 behaviors mentioned in this post.
Slow to trust others
People who grow up without being shown affection from parents may find it difficult to trust, notes Psych Central. This can result in guarded emotional expressions, as the fear of rejection keeps true emotions in check. Not wanting to be seen as vulnerable can prevent people from forming deep connections with others, no matter how much they might want to.
Dislike physical touch
A person who was not shown affection during their formative years might find physical touch uncomfortable or invasive in later life. This can lead them to avoid close physical contact, even in intimate relationships, as they may associate even comforting touch, such as a hug, with discomfort or anxiety.
Emotional detachment
The emotional pain that comes from feeling unloved can cause a person to disengage from their emotions, leading people to develop the tendency to suppress emotion as a way to cope with not being given affection in childhood. This emotional detachment can get in the way of close, affectionate relationships later in life.
Fear of rejection
A lifetime of knockbacks from people who would not show affection can leave one with a prevailing fear of rejection, explains Bolde, which may lead them to avoid social situations. This fear can limit personal growth and even career advancement due to a reluctance to take risks.
Comfortable in solitude
When you are alone, you always know what is going to happen because you are the person controlling your narrative. This is why many people find comfort in solitude. Being alone is predictable, compared to the complications that come from human relationships, and people who grew up without affection often prefer their own company.
Submissive people-pleasers
A submissive personality, or a pattern of people-pleasing behavior can develop in people who were not shown affection in childhood. Verywellmind explains that addressing other people’s emotions and needs allows us to feel worthy, loved, needed, and good enough. However, submissive behavior makes it almost impossible to set personal boundaries.
Cynical
A lack of affection in childhood can lead one to believe that affection is not genuine or maybe won’t last. This can encourage a cynical view towards relationships to develop, and this cynicism acts as a barrier to prevent people from getting too close.
Hyper-independence
Independence is great, but extreme self-reliance is usually a defense mechanism to avoid dependency on others. This overly independent behavior can stem from a fear of being let down, but when a person won’t allow others to help, insisting on doing everything themselves, it can leave them overwhelmed and isolated, explains Psych Central.
Overthink emotions
An analytical approach to feelings can develop in people who grew up without affection. These people might analyze their emotions excessively as a way to control or understand them without actually feeling them. Thinking about your emotions, what they mean, and how to fix them leaves you stuck in analysis paralysis, overthinking instead of taking action.
Reluctance to ask for help
Growing up without affection often forces people to rely heavily on themselves from a young age. This can leave them with an ingrained belief that they need to handle everything alone, which makes them reluctant to ask for help. They may also refuse opportunities for support and assistance from others, even when support is needed.
Withdrawn
Social withdrawal is always, subconsciously, a safe response to abuse. Early emotional neglect is no different. Growing up without affection can make people want to keep to themselves. They may feel unworthy and that others may not accept them, so they choose to stay on the outside.
Self-critical and judgemental
People can develop an overly critical view of themselves when their emotional needs are not met, as they will of course look inward to find out why they are not worthy of affection. This self-criticism can sometimes be projected onto others, leading them to constantly judge themselves and other people.
Pessimistic outlook
A childhood with no affection might lead to a generally pessimistic outlook later in life, expecting disappointment as a standard outcome to everything. This negative outlook can affect motivation, as why would you bother trying when it won’t work out anyway? A negative attitude can also push people away. Humans naturally gravitate towards happier, more positive people.
They seek outside validation
Growing up without affection, people can learn to rely heavily on external validation. Adults who weren’t given validation from feeling loved in childhood now seek it from peers, superiors, and loved ones to gauge their self-worth. This can unfortunately make them vulnerable to manipulation from people who may take advantage.
Compulsive behavior
The need to find comfort and control in an unpredictable environment is one result of growing up without affection. This can lead to ritualistic or compulsive behaviors, such as constant cleaning, handwashing, hoarding, and repeatedly checking things like electrical switches and door locks. Compulsive behaviors like these can become very restrictive and hard to cope with.
Emotional instability
Being shown no affection or emotional guidance in childhood can mean that you don’t learn how to regulate your emotions effectively, which leads to emotional instability. This instability can manifest in many ways, including impulsive behavior and mood swings which can strain relationships and affect quality of life.
A need to achieve
Never feeling validated as a child might encourage some individuals to seek much-needed validation through achievements. They may believe that success can make up for a lack of affection, or people will give them affection only if they are successful. But this can lead to perfectionism, where one puts value in achievements rather than personal qualities.
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