Our childhood sets us up for how we experience the world and navigate relationships, but sadly, some of us grew up with unfortunate family situations. It’s not always obvious when this was the case, but if you recognize these 19 signs, you probably grew up in a toxic household.
Chaos is normal
Some people thrive in chaos, and this is a clear sign that their childhood home was turbulent. This works both ways, also making it difficult for them to relax. When chaos is what you’re used to, it is difficult to enjoy the peace as you’re always waiting for something to kick off.
You were the parent
Toxic households often demand children grow up much quicker. Sadly, some children need to become parents, particularly if they have younger siblings. In this scenario, roles are reversed, as the parents cannot adequately fulfill their roles. This situation is the thief of childhood.
Inconsistent rules
Rules exist to define boundaries, but many dysfunctional families have inconsistent rules. Verywell Family argues that inconsistent parenting creates instability for children. This causes a lot of insecurity and confusion over how to behave while enforcing a behavior of being unreliable.
The need to be perfect
Most parents think their children are perfect, but some take it too far, with many creating unrealistic expectations for the child to grow up in. The perfect child is constantly pressured to meet expectations set by their parents and has a people-pleasing nature that extends into adulthood.
Boundary struggles
We may struggle with boundaries in adult life, especially if we grew up in toxic households. This applies to both respecting the boundaries of others and enforcing our boundaries. When these things aren’t respected as children, it’s hard to have a healthy relationship with boundaries as adults.
The family scapegoat
In most toxic households, the family has a ‘scapegoat.’ This person is always singled out and carries this burden throughout their life. Typically blamed for all the problems in the entire family, the scapegoat has a lot of emotional baggage that sticks with them as they grow up.
Waiting for conflict
Toxic households always have a calm before the storm, and during this period, you are always waiting for the next conflict. It is an unspoken weight that never leaves, and it is difficult to find peace when you’re constantly on high alert for turbulence.
Ignored emotional needs
A major role of parenting is meeting and accommodating children’s emotional needs. However, kids growing up in challenging households often find their emotional needs are completely ignored. Medical News Today says this type of neglect leads to difficulty expressing feelings.
Fearing unpredictable behavior
If you often fear how others will act, this is a sign that you grew up in a toxic household. This may result from parents with unpredictable behavior, as you never knew how they would act. This, sadly, creates a certain level of anxiety that never leaves.
Conditional love
The parent-child relationship should be one of unconditional love. If you feel like receiving love as a child comes with conditions, you probably grew up with toxic parents. Love may have been withheld as a form of punishment or used as a bargaining chip, creating an unhealthy family dynamic.
Feeling like an outsider
If you grew up feeling like an outsider and consider yourself the ‘black sheep’ of your family, your familial relations are likely toxic. A sense of belonging is a basic human need, one that families should fulfill from an early age.
The family comedian
According to CNN, there is a link between comedians and absent fathers. Many start out telling jokes to impress their parents and become family comedians as children to mask deeper issues. Ultimately, humor is a common defense mechanism often used to deflect tension, but who makes the clown laugh?
Lack of self-love
Growing up in an environment that encourages, supports, and loves wholeheartedly produces strong individuals with plenty of self-love. A lack of this in childhood is often linked to adults who find it hard to love and respect themselves. It is difficult to love yourself when your experiences of love have been rare.
Constant criticism
Parents who constantly criticize their children create an incredibly toxic environment. This criticism has a negative influence and causes children to withdraw. As an adult, those who grew up in this type of challenging environment have major self-esteem issues and are constantly aware of how people will view them.
Inexperience
The biggest part of being a parent is preparing your children with enough experience to navigate the adult world. However, one type of toxic household is one that is incredibly restrictive and doesn’t allow its children the opportunity to experience, grow, and make their own mistakes.
Substance abuse
Toxic households come in all forms, but one of the most common is one with substance abuse. Parents with drug or alcohol issues create negative environments for their children to grow up in. MedCircle explains that, sadly, many who grow up in such households will even develop their own issues with substance abuse.
Fear of abandonment
Adults with a deep-rooted fear of abandonment can often trace this back to their childhood. Stemming from early childhood, an intense fear of abandonment is a sign of neglect in our younger years. This can be either physical or emotional withdrawal that results in a constant worry of people leaving us.
Self-sabotage
Just when things are going well, we find ways to ruin them. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we get in our own way and jeopardize the opportunities presented to us. Self-sabotage is a symptom of not feeling good enough and connects to toxic childhood days when we were made to feel unworthy.
A lack of identity
Finally, children of parents with narcissistic personality disorders often grow up with a lack of identity. A leading trait of narcissism is an overinflated ego and a tendency to make everything about them. When the family dynamic is all about the parent, the children struggle to form their own identity.
Up Next: 19 Signs That Say You’ve Officially Entered Old Age
Old age comes for us all, though we do our best to resist it for as long as possible. But aging isn’t only gray hair, wrinkled skin, and yelling at kids to get off your lawn. Here are 19 signs you’ve realized you’re no longer the young stud you once were!
19 SIGNS THAT SAY YOU’VE OFFICIALLY ENTERED OLD AGE
17 Things That Are Too Woke For Boomers
Our society is so different from what it was decades ago, and boomers don’t like much of what everyone considers normal in today’s society. In this light, here are 17 things about ‘woke culture’ that particularly make boomers uncomfortable.
17 THINGS THAT ARE TOO WOKE FOR BOOMERS
17 Things You’re Just Too Old To Be Doing Anymore
The older you get, the more fragile you are physically and mentally, so it’s important to prioritize your well-being every day. Whether you still feel young at 50 or are closer to 80, we’ve compiled 17 things you’re too old to be doing anymore.