Society comprises plenty of introverts, but it often favors extroverts. People who prefer their own company, enjoy staying in, and don’t always speak up loudly in social situations are unfairly criticized for being introverted, and it’s not something they can change. With that in mind, here are 19 phrases introverts wish you wouldn’t say.
You’re So Quiet
This phrase is used constantly, and introverts have long grown tired of hearing it. As Introvert, Dear puts it, telling an introvert they’re quiet is pointing out the obvious and causing unnecessary discomfort. This is an off-hand way to criticize someone’s personality, and there’s no correct response to expect.
You Should Get Out More
Introverts are often described as never leaving the house, but this isn’t the case. Everybody gets out; some just do it less than others. Introverts don’t crave the same external stimulation that extroverts do, so they have no desire to go out as much. Telling someone to ‘get out more’ is dismissive of what they enjoy and also very rude.
Speak Up
If somebody feels uncomfortable talking in public, whether in a work presentation or a social situation, they might talk more quietly. Commanding them to speak up draws everyone’s attention to them and will make them less likely to want to speak at all. You can phrase it more politely, such as saying, ‘I can’t quite hear you’.
Stop Being Antisocial
Being antisocial is another misconception about introverts. Affinity Magazine points out introverts are often quiet in big public settings but animated in smaller groups with people they know. That’s why the antisocial accusation stings for introverts; it isn’t true. If you spend time getting to know an introvert, you’ll discover this for yourself.
You’re Boring
It’s common sense that calling someone boring to their face is impolite, but it’s something that introverts always hear. Their interests might not align with yours, but that doesn’t mean they’re boring. Introverts will appreciate it if you make an effort to get to know them, even if you have a much more extroverted personality.
Don’t Be Shy
Introversion is often considered the same as shyness, but this is a misconception. WebMD states introversion is a personality type, whereas shyness is an emotion anyone can feel. Introverts are typically more likely to feel shy when they’re in situations that make them feel uncomfortable, but calling them shy all the time is incorrect.
Why Are You Like This?
Why are any of us the way we are? We all have our own distinct personalities, and it’s not up to anyone else to probe us for information and try to ‘fix’ us. If you can’t comprehend someone’s introverted ways, keep your confusion to yourself because it isn’t their job to explain themselves and settle your curiosity.
Are You Mad?
Anyone who is more withdrawn will have their motives questioned, and introverts experience it most often. Just because somebody keeps to themselves doesn’t mean they’re mad or ignoring you; they just prefer their own company. If you think something has happened, you can ask if everything is okay but don’t accuse them of being mad.
Tell Me a Fun Fact About Yourself
This phrase is universally loathed, but it’s especially hated by introverts. Most people don’t have a fun fact ready, but extroverts typically find it easier to slip into conversation and style it out if they can’t think of an answer. On the other hand, an introvert will feel the pressure of being put on the spot.
Do You Have Friends?
Just like calling someone boring, it’s also commonly known that asking someone if they have any friends is rude and a huge overstep. Extroverts enjoy meeting up with friends in outdoor social gatherings, whereas introverts might meet in quieter places, in their homes, or even just chat online. They may prefer their own company, but that doesn’t mean they’re lonely.
You Should Smile More
Women are commonly told to smile more, but it’s also a rude phrase thrown at both male and female introverts. Telling someone to smile is a subtle comment on their appearance, and it’s not your business why they aren’t smiling. Introverts hate being made to perform for extroverts, so don’t scrutinize them like this.
Stop Being So Serious
This is another unnecessary comment that makes a dig at a person’s appearance. How someone’s face rests isn’t always indicative of their feelings, especially if they’re introverted and less likely to display huge animated emotions in front of people. Accusing introverts of being too serious implies that they’re doing something wrong.
What’s Wrong?
If there’s one question every introvert has been asked multiple times, it’s, ‘what’s wrong?’. It’s frustrating because the answer is usually ‘nothing’, and the question is only being asked because the introvert spends time alone or is quiet. If an introvert snaps at you when you ask this, it’s because they’ve heard it too many times before.
Live a Little
Merriam-Webster defines the idiom ‘live a little’ as ‘to spend time doing enjoyable things’, and that’s exactly why introverts are fed up with the phrase. When you tell someone to live a little, you’re implying that they don’t spend time doing things they enjoy, which indicates you think the way you spend your time is superior and puts them down.
You Can Talk?
This question isn’t really a question because it’s usually used in a snarky context. When introverts become comfortable with you, they’re more likely to speak up and join in socializing, so feigning surprise that they can talk is cruel and instantly drains their social battery. If an introvert is coming out of their shell, encourage them.
Your Hobbies Are Pointless
Nobody’s hobbies are pointless, but it’s particularly nasty to say this to introverts because they’re typically more invested in and proud to spend time on them. Dismissing the things they enjoy as pointless simply means they won’t share their hobbies with you anymore, and you’ll start to drift apart.
Lighten Up
Much like being told to speak up or smile, introverts are also often commanded to ‘lighten up’. This phrase is accusatory and often used to minimize someone’s hurt reaction to something you’ve said or done. In fact, saying ‘lighten up’ guarantees that the introvert will shut down and avoid speaking to you in the future.
Do You Hate People?
Any introvert will have probably been told in some way that when their extroverted friend first met them, they thought the introvert was mean due to their personality type. That’s why people often ask introverts if they hate people: they usually aren’t the first to throw themselves into big social situations, and it’s still rude.
Grow Up
Sometimes, people need to be told to grow up if they’re acting immaturely or sabotaging themselves, but it’s rude to say to an introvert who is simply living their life. ‘Growing up’ means developing, so saying it to an introvert implies that you think they need to work on themselves, which will make them feel pressured to conform to extroversion.
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