Our romantic relationships are often crucial to our overall happiness, so it’s vital that they’re successful and fulfilling. Building a strong, meaningful relationship requires effort from both partners, but some typically female behaviors can create barriers to intimacy and trust. Here are 21 things women should avoid doing for healthier relationships with men.
Losing Yourself
It’s easy to get swept up in the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a new romance, but don’t neglect the aspects of your life that make you attractive and unique in the first place. Your career, hobbies, interests, and friends are all important for your identity and self-esteem, so don’t push them to the side to focus on a new partner—he won’t respect you for it.
Constantly Needing Validation
The Expert Editor warns that making validation the focus of your partnership is damaging and often due to low self-esteem. It’s perfectly okay to seek reassurance and compliments, but don’t solely rely on your man’s opinion for self-worth and confidence. If you do, they may feel burdened and stressed or pressured to be insincere to prevent conflict.
Playing Games
Unless you’re 12 and have a schoolyard crush, playing games and withholding communication are unacceptable. Be transparent and honest about how you feel, what you want, and your expectations, so there is no confusion. Avoid manipulative tactics like ‘the silent treatment,’ guilt trips, or trying to make your man jealous. It’s immature, unhealthy, and, quite frankly, beneath you!
Trying to Change Your Partner
Strong relationships require compromise, but people cannot be fundamentally changed. Your man may tidy up more around the house if you ask, but they’re unlikely to change core personality traits or change their mind about having children or getting married. Either love your partner for who they are or find someone who suits you better.
Nagging
It’s a hurtful stereotype, but women, on average, do tend to talk more than men, and this includes voicing criticism. While it’s great to directly communicate what makes you unhappy, learn to pick your battles and don’t constantly nag your partner about every little thing that irks you about them. Try to focus on their positive attributes and aim to let the little things slide.
Being Suffocating
Everyone needs and deserves affection and attention, but being overly clingy or possessive can push your partner away. A New Mode says, “Neediness is synonymous with emotional dependency,” and this means a woman relies on her man to feel good or worthwhile. Give your partner space to have their own life, and don’t make everything about you or your relationship.
Holding Grudges
Do you ever ‘keep score’ in your relationship by counting how many mistakes your partner has made? This is not conducive to a healthy partnership and breeds unnecessary resentment, preventing you from forgiving and moving on. If you feel hurt or wronged, honestly and openly discuss your feelings—find a way to move forward instead of holding onto grudges.
Focusing on Physical Attraction
Yes, sexual attraction is very important in a relationship, but it is not the most essential part of a long-term partnership. Don’t settle for someone who is exceptionally physically desirable yet doesn’t share your values, interests, goals, or sense of humor. Such relationships will fizzle out eventually because they have no deeper foundation beyond “You look hot!”
Ignoring Your Gut Feelings
Intuition can be powerful, so don’t ignore any red flags, no matter how small. If something feels off in the relationship, listen to your inner voice and address any concerns with your partner openly and honestly. Ignoring such worries could ultimately lead to future problems like distrust, insecurity, and even physical or emotional abuse.
Comparing Your Relationship to Others
According to Psych Central, “When couples compare their relationship or partner to others, it can often lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, and hopelessness in both partners.” Don’t use social media or societal norms to judge your man, as you may have unrealistic expectations. Instead, ask yourself if the two of you are happy together. If so, nothing else matters.
Financial Recklessness
Even if your finances remain separate, reckless spending on your part can impact your partner. You may be unable to join in with certain events or activities, or you might constantly ask for loans or financial favors. Manage your money effectively, and don’t automatically assume they will bail you out. This will promote mutual respect and make you more mature and capable.
Neglecting Physical Intimacy
Everyone has days when they’re not ‘in the mood’ for physical touches like caressing, cuddling, kissing, and sex. But don’t make these days the norm in your relationship. Both of you need a physical connection to feel bonded and loved, so try to find time for things like date nights, deep conversation, and quality time together when neither of you is stressed or busy.
Co-Dependence
A healthy relationship allows both partners to grow and become independent, so don’t allow one of you to take on all the responsibilities or constantly rescue the other from their problems. While leaning on each other is perfectly natural, there should be mutual support. One of you shouldn’t be dependent on the other, and you should both maintain personal autonomy.
Shouldering All the Blame
Taking responsibility for your actions is essential, but so is acknowledging your partner’s role in conflicts. Verywell Mind says constant blame is toxic in relationships, particularly if it’s unfairly applied to yourself. Don’t become the scapegoat in your own life to avoid creating tension—instead, face problems directly and try to work together to resolve any issues.
Isolating Yourself
Any man who tries to distance you from genuine friends or loving family members is not to be trusted, so don’t isolate yourself from your support network for the sake of your relationship. Yes, your partner is important to you, but they aren’t the only person in your life that deserves your time and attention. Have your own social life, and encourage your man to do the same.
Sacrificing Your Dreams
Don’t abandon your personal aspirations for the sake of your relationship, no matter how tempting that may be. There is often a solution that suits both partners, so try to find one that doesn’t necessitate you abandoning your lifelong dreams or career goals. If your partner loves and respects you, they will want to support your ambitions alongside their own.
Ignoring Underlying Issues
It can be tempting to sweep little problems ‘under the rug,’ but unfortunately, they tend to multiply rather than disappear. The only way to tackle the causes of unhappiness is to discuss them calmly and honestly with your man and try to find a way to compromise or alleviate the issue. A healthy, loving relationship isn’t always perfect, but it focuses on moving forward and improving.
Enduring Abuse
Sadly, the NCADV reports that 1 in 3 women have been physically abused by a partner, and many more have encountered emotional abuse such as stalking, blackmail, manipulation, and gaslighting. If your partner is violent or controlling, they don’t love you (at least not in a healthy way), so you need to seek help and prioritize your own long-term happiness and safety.
Faking Orgasms
No, sex isn’t the most essential part of your relationship, but it is important. Don’t give dishonest feedback to your partner by pretending to enjoy sex when you don’t, as this will only reinforce selfish behavior or unsatisfying techniques. Instead, talk to your partner about what you do and don’t like and explore options for improvement without being critical or insulting.
Letting Resentment Simmer
Resentment is like ‘relationship cancer,’ and it can grow and grow until you have so much festering anger that you’re constantly unhappy, often leading to irrational explosions! Tackle relationship issues or sources of frustration as soon as they become problematic and work on a solution together. Bottling up your anger will only create a ticking time bomb of resentment.
Taking on Their Debt
Never accept someone else’s debt out of love or obligation. A partner who respects you won’t want their financial mismanagement to impact or burden you, and they should be mature and capable enough to handle their own loans and spending habits. Talk about your finances openly, but don’t allow an irresponsible partner to ‘drag you down’ financially. That isn’t love!