Raising kids right is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Of course, every parent hopes that the journey will go as smoothly as possible and their kids will thank them when they’re older. But sadly, that’s not always the case. Some adult children push boundaries, ignore your feelings, or even belittle you.
Here are some things you can do to regain your confidence and get the respect you deserve.
Set Clear Boundaries
Respect starts with boundaries. If your adult children frequently speak to you in a dismissive or rude manner, make it clear that it won’t be tolerated. Let them know what is and isn’t acceptable when they interact with you. If they roll their eyes, interrupt you, or make snide comments, call it out in the moment. A simple “I won’t continue this conversation if you speak to me that way” can make a huge difference.
Stop Tolerating Disrespect
People often treat you the way you allow them to. If you brush off rude behavior or pretend it doesn’t bother you, your child may never realize they’re crossing a line. When they snap at you, talk down to you, or dismiss your opinions, make it clear that it’s not okay. If necessary, walk away from the conversation or take a break from seeing them.
Don’t Be Afraid to Say No
Parents are used to giving, and that habit can be hard to break. But if your adult child only reaches out when they need money, a favor, or a place to crash, it’s time to start saying no. You are not their personal ATM or their 24/7 safety net. It’s okay to help when you want to, but it shouldn’t be expected.
Stay Calm and Confident
Yelling never fixes anything. If your child raises their voice, talks over you, or tries to get a reaction, don’t take the bait. Responding with anger only escalates the situation. Instead, keep your tone steady and your words firm. A calm response shows that you are in control of the conversation and that you expect to be treated with dignity.
Lead by Example
You can’t demand respect if you don’t give it. Even if your child is being rude, resist the urge to snap back or belittle them. Show them how mature adults communicate – by listening, staying calm, and speaking with kindness.
This doesn’t mean you have to put up with mistreatment, but it does mean you set the standard for respectful interactions.
Address the Root Cause
Sometimes, disrespect comes from a deeper issue. Maybe they’re holding onto resentment about the past. Maybe they feel unheard or misunderstood. If your child is consistently rude or distant, ask them what’s really going on. A simple “I feel like there’s tension between us – can we talk about it?” can open the door to an honest conversation.
Limit Your Availability
Always being there for them can sometimes backfire. If they take you for granted, stop being so accessible. Don’t drop everything when they need you and don’t rearrange your life for their convenience. When they realize they can’t just treat you poorly and expect your full support, they may start changing their behavior.
Encourage Mutual Respect
Respect isn’t a one-way street. If your child feels like you dismiss their opinions, criticize their choices, or don’t respect their boundaries, they might act out in response. Instead of focusing only on how they treat you, take a step back and assess your own behavior, too. Make sure you’re giving them the same level of respect you expect from them.
Don’t Let Guilt Control You
Parents often carry guilt about past mistakes or things they wish they had done differently. But guilt should not keep you stuck in an unhealthy dynamic. If your child uses past events to manipulate you or make you feel like you owe them something, remind yourself that no parent is perfect.
Apologize if needed, but don’t let guilt keep you in a cycle of allowing bad behavior.
Be Willing to Walk Away
It’s hard to accept, but some relationships are toxic, even with family. If your adult child is constantly rude, belittles you, or makes you feel small, you don’t have to stay in that dynamic. It’s okay to take a step back, even if it’s painful.
Don’t Engage in Power Struggles
Some adult children thrive on pushing buttons. If they know what upsets you, they might use it against you in arguments. Instead of getting sucked into their games, refuse to participate. Keep responses short and don’t react emotionally. When they see that they can’t bait you into a fight, they’ll eventually stop trying.
Prioritize Your Own Happiness
Your life shouldn’t revolve around your adult child’s behavior. If dealing with them drains you, shift your focus. Spend time with people who uplift you, invest in hobbies, and make plans that don’t include them. When they see you thriving without their approval, they may start to reassess how they treat you.
Consider Family Counseling
If the tension has been building for years, outside help might be necessary. A family therapist can help you communicate more effectively and understand each other better. Even if your child refuses to go, therapy can still help you navigate the relationship in a healthier way.
Keep Expectations Realistic
Hoping for a drastic change overnight will only leave you disappointed. If your child has been dismissive or rude for years, fixing that won’t happen instantly. Set realistic expectations for how the relationship can improve. Even small shifts in how they speak to you or engage with you are worth recognizing.
Find Support Elsewhere
No one should go through this alone. If your child is unwilling to change, surround yourself with people who respect and appreciate you. Friends, extended family, or even support groups can provide the encouragement you need. Being around positive people can remind you of your worth and make it easier to set boundaries with those who refuse to respect you.
Don’t Be Afraid to Reinvent Yourself
Life doesn’t stop just because your children are grown. If you’ve spent years focusing on their needs, maybe it’s time to shift gears and focus on yourself. Take a class, learn a new skill, or travel somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. Reinventing yourself not only boosts your confidence but also sends a clear message: you are more than just a parent.