Empathy allows us to connect with others and understand their emotions. But not everyone demonstrates this important trait. Sometimes, their words make it clear they’re not considering how someone else feels. Here are 16 phrases that often reveal a lack of empathy.
“It’s not my problem.”
When someone says this, they’re openly dismissing another person’s struggles. It’s a way of shutting the door on someone who might need help or understanding. Instead of even attempting to show concern, they make it clear they don’t care or see how the issue could affect them. Sure, no one can take on every problem, but offering a kind word or acknowledging the difficulty doesn’t cost much.
“You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase can sting because it flips the situation, putting the blame on the person feeling hurt rather than addressing what caused the pain. It’s an easy way to dismiss emotions and avoid a real conversation. While sensitivity levels vary, labeling someone as “too sensitive” often discourages them from expressing themselves in the future.
“I never said that.”
Denying something you said or did, especially when there’s evidence, creates confusion and frustration for the other person. It’s a tactic often used to avoid accountability, but it can make others question their own memory or reality. This type of gaslighting damages trust and leaves people feeling unheard.
A better approach is to acknowledge if there was a misunderstanding or to clarify your intentions. Even admitting, “I didn’t mean it that way, but I see how it came across,” can repair trust and show a willingness to own your part in a situation.
“Just get over it.”
Hearing this phrase can feel like a slap in the face when you’re struggling with something emotional. It minimizes the effort it takes to process pain or heal from a tough experience. No one chooses to linger on hurt, but this phrase suggests they should magically move on without addressing the root cause of their feelings.
“You’re overreacting.”
Calling someone’s reaction an overreaction essentially tells them their feelings are invalid. It’s a way of dismissing their emotions without trying to understand why they feel strongly about something.
Reactions often have deeper roots than what’s on the surface. Instead of shutting them down, asking what’s behind their feelings or what triggered the response can help both parties communicate better.
“That’s not how I see it.”
Differences in perspective are natural, but completely rejecting someone else’s viewpoint can feel dismissive. When this phrase is used, it can sound like a refusal to even consider the other person’s experience. Everyone’s reality is shaped by their own context, emotions, and experiences, so it’s unfair to disregard how someone else feels.
“Why can’t you just let it go?”
This phrase pressures someone to suppress their emotions and move on before they’re ready. It implies their feelings are a burden or unnecessary, which can make them feel invalidated. People process emotions in their own time, and rushing them only deepens their frustration.
A more empathetic approach might be, “I know this is hard to let go of—what can I do to help?” Offering patience and understanding shows that you’re willing to support them rather than shut them down.
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Hearing this phrase can be frustrating because it diminishes someone’s concerns and makes them feel like their emotions aren’t important. While something might seem minor to you, it could be a big deal to the person experiencing it. Instead of brushing off their feelings, saying, “I can see this is important to you, how can I help?” makes them feel validated and supported.
“It’s your fault.”
Blaming someone entirely for a situation without considering other factors can make them feel cornered or unsupported. It’s a way of deflecting responsibility and focusing on assigning guilt rather than finding a solution. Empathy involves recognizing that most situations are complex and rarely one person’s fault alone.
“I’m just being honest.”
While honesty is valuable, using it as a cover for being harsh or insensitive can be damaging. This phrase often disguises unnecessary criticism as truth-telling, leaving the other person feeling hurt or attacked.
Empathy means balancing honesty with kindness. Saying, “Can I share something with you? I want to be honest, but I also want to be thoughtful about how I say it,” sets the stage for constructive feedback.
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
While this phrase may seem like an attempt to clarify intent, it often dismisses the impact of the speaker’s words or actions. It shifts focus away from how the other person feels to defending oneself. While intent is important, empathy is to recognize that the impact matters more.
Saying, “I didn’t mean it that way, but I’m sorry it hurt you,” shows accountability and a willingness to learn.
“That’s just how I am.”
Using this phrase to justify hurtful behavior suggests an unwillingness to grow or change. It prioritizes personal comfort over someone else’s well-being and sends the message that their feelings don’t matter. Growth is an essential part of healthy relationships, and empathy involves being open to change when your actions negatively impact others.
“I can’t deal with this right now.”
While everyone has limits, this phrase can come across as dismissive when someone is seeking support or expressing a need for understanding. It often leaves the other person feeling like a burden or as though their feelings are unwelcome. People who frequently say this may be prioritizing their own comfort over the emotional needs of others.
“You’re imagining things.”
This phrase invalidates someone’s perception of reality, which can feel dismissive and even manipulative. It implies that their thoughts or feelings are unfounded, discouraging them from expressing themselves further. Someone who lacks empathy may use this phrase to avoid addressing someone’s concerns or to deflect accountability.
A more constructive response would involve listening to the person’s perspective and seeking to understand where they’re coming from.
“This again?”
When someone expresses recurring concerns or struggles, responding with impatience or frustration can make them feel like a burden. This phrase often shuts down the conversation, signaling that the speaker is unwilling to engage or offer support. People who lack empathy may use this phrase to avoid dealing with complex emotions or to minimize the other person’s needs.
“You’ll get over it eventually.”
While this phrase may sound like encouragement, it often comes across as dismissive or insensitive. It assumes that time alone will heal all wounds, without recognizing the immediate need for support or validation. Those who lack empathy may use this phrase to avoid engaging with someone’s emotions or to sidestep their own discomfort.
A more compassionate approach would involve offering a listening ear and reassurance, allowing the person to express their feelings fully. Helping them feel heard can make a significant difference in their healing process.